


Pizza

by Gaydar



Series: Merthings [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, mermaid au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 19:17:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1399417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaydar/pseuds/Gaydar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin finds seahorse-merman!Jean caught in a fishing net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pizza

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ladyshroom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyshroom/gifts).
  * Inspired by [That Gay Mermaid AU](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1360966) by [Gaydar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaydar/pseuds/Gaydar). 



> Armin's POV

It's just another day in the ocean, out on my boat, just, a  _normal_  day! I'm so bored, I don't know what I'm doing out here, I should be at home, doing things like homework or something, but I'm not. I'm just so different I'm such a  _nerd!_ And then I heard it, lots of splashy noises that are totally not normal out here in the ocean where there is water everywhere. Something's caught in a fisher's net. Maybe it's a shark and I'll just die today trying to be a good, decent person.  Maybe in heaven my parents that died of some unspoken way will be proud of me. 

Pulling the net in random directions wasn't really doing anything. _'Why am I so weak?'_  I don't want to be weak, I'm not weak but I'm smart so that makes me important right? If only someone would just like me and how totalyl weird and nerdy and weak butsuper cute and intelligent I am.

An arm reached up and grabbed my hand, and whatever it was pulled itself up out of the water.  _'A person?'_  It awkwardly forced itself onto my boat, still tangled up in the net. 

Not a person, a  _mermaid_. My childhood dreams, are they finally coming true?! "You're real! I'm in front of a living, breathing,  _ **mermaid!**_ " I could cry tears of joy right now, drown in them, and die happy. "Mer _man_  please, I'm not a girl." The, mer _man_  said, rolling onto his back and staring at me. 

I nodded and collapsed onto the floor in front of him, " _Tell me everything._ " I wshipered, stroking his yellow tail, practically drooling. No no I  _am_  drooling. I'm touching a mermaid- merman, mer _thing_ 's tail! I am  _touching_  it! With my  _hands!_  

"How about you get me out of this thing first?" The incredibly silky-tailed, soft, very tied up and  _vulnerable_  merman asked, raising an eyebrow. He was all tangled, I could take him back to land. I could  _keep him like a pet_. "Do you have a name?"

"You tell me yours I'll tell you mine." 

"Okay, well my name's Armin! What's your name?" _'I bet it's something exotic and maybe even hard to pronounce!'_   _  
_

"It's Jean."

 _'That's really disappointing!'_  "Oh..." 

Jean tilted his head to the side, wiggling around in the net, "Are you  _not_  satisfied with me? Get me out of this thing and I'll make it up to you." He winked. ' _HE WINKED, AT ME!'_  Could my teenage dreams  _also_  be coming true? Forget having a pet merhuman, I'm getting laid. The more I look at Jean, the more I see how  _attractive_  he is. 

I'm so gonna tap that...  _assless_  ass of his. 

"I kind of prefer if you stay tied up like that." I'm definitely drooling again. Jean winked again, "Really? So do I." ' _Who knew fish people were into bondage?'_  I started pulling my pants off so fast I fell on my side as I tried kicking them off. Can you blame me for being excited? I'm about to get boned by a fishperson.  _'Wait, that's not a good term to use.'_  "You know I-I've never actually had sex with a merman before, so, what's your...  _thingy_  like?" What's a five lettered word that's a synonym for "pathetic virgin"?  _My name._

Jean looked down at his lower half and rolled his eyes, leaning his head back on the side of the boat, "I don't have a penis if that's what you're asking." ' _That is **hella**  dissappointing! Why this?!'_ My jaw dropped, and I whined, "What? No way! I thought you'd have some retractable tentacle thing!" My lonely little dreams as a teenager and my "The Little Mermaid" fanfictions are all a big sham now.

"I'm sorry to dissappoint you,  _Armin_ , but isn't the fun part of me being tied up the part where you dominate  _me_?" Jean wiggled his eyebrows in probably the most unseductive way possible, licking his lips while doing so. 

 _'You're about to lose your virginity to a huge dork.'_  Haha  _dork_ , that's a relevant joke about  _penises_. I'm so clever. "You have a point there." I was giggling like the little girl I looked like on the outside. 

"It's just a  _hole_  really, but that means more fun for you!" Jean lifted his hands and pulled me onto him. Oh god. Oh  _yes_. His hands... they're...  ** _yaoi hands._** All those nights praying to God are finally paying off.

We kissed, and it was incredibly awful at first, because he tasted like salt and raw fish, and that doesn't turn me on as much as I thought it would. But then, we opened our mouths, and our tongues  ** _BATTLED FOR_   _DOMINANCE_**  like our very  _lives_  depended on it! 

Jean may have the big yaoi hands, and I may look like the shota here but I am  _winning_  this battle for mouth muscle dominance. 

 _'Now how does the sex part work? Where's the hole...?'_  I pulled away and tried  _not_  to gag at the leftovers in my mouth from whatever he was eating earlier, and started feelings around his tail for this "hole" he claims to have. 

"Here you  _go_ ," Jean reached around my back and pushed me down. I felt my dick slip into  _something_  so I guess that's  _it_? "You know, th-this is  _kiiinda_  like a  _vagina_ , and I don't know how I feel about that." At least I think this is what one would feel like. It  _kind of_  feels like that one time I thought raw salmon was a good masturbation method.  _'Fun time explaining that one to the ER, wasn't it?'_ _  
_

"Don't complain, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I'm enjoying it already." Jean forced my head forward and our lips _ **COLLIDED TOGETHER IN FIERY BURNING WET TEETHY PASSION!**_

This is the best day of  _my life_. I'm doing it! I'm  _fucking a mermaid!_  Merman, whatever, I'm doing it and that's the important thing! 

Even though I was  _constantly moving_ ** _up and down_** _pushing myself **IN AND OUT**_  of a merman's not-vagina, it didn't really hurt. Who needs lube?! Lube is just an extra step and is not important  _at all_! Foreplay?! Nope! None of that. Diving straight into Jean was just as easy as diving into anything else. 

I leaned back and I, completely and totally not unrealistically over the top,  _moaned out Jean's name **over and over again**_ ** _LIKE A MANTRA._** "Armin you're  _sooOOOOoooOOOoo **hot**!_ " Jean moaned, in also a not over the top way. I could  _feel the **PRESSURE BUILDING**_ in my  _gut_ , I was  _coming close to my_   ** _orgasm_**.

" _Oh_   **JEAN!** "

"Ohhh  ** _ARMIN!_** " 

We screamed at the top of our lungs, which was completely realistic for experiencing the  _best_  orgasms  ** _ever AT THE SAME TIME_**!

But I'm not  _done._  No way am I  _done_  with this sexy merhuman.

I pulled out and got on my feet, leaning forward into Jean's mouth. I hope he doesn't mind the taste of jizz.  _'He swims around in his own filth, he better not mind it.'_  I'm not going to have sex with a merman and then  _not_  get a blowjob out of it. I don't care  _where_  his mouth has been, what's in it, or what it smelled like.

Turns out mermen are actually pretty  _good_ at this whole sucking cock thing while having their hair being pulled and their head yanked back and forth in a semi-violent fashion!  _'He gets a B+ for blowjobs.'_  Sure he's gagging, but he's not  _vomiting,_  that's the important part.  _  
_

" _Ookay_ , I'm good." I breathed out shakily, letting go of Jean's head and plopping myself back down on the floor of my boat.

"Yes you  _are_  good." Jean laughed and winked again.  _'Damn it, he even did the unattractive eyebrow waggling.'_  "You're satisfied, I'm satisfied, now uh, excuse me but ah," Jean pointed down to the net still around the lower half of his body, which was now pretty dirty from the whole sex thing. "Oh...  _right_." I could still take him back home with me, but he might just be upset or something. I mean he  _did_ just let me have sex with him and then fuck his mouth, so I guess that deserves his freedom.

I managed to untangle him from the net, and he slid right off my boat back into the water. I sighed and leaned over the side, "So, bye, I guess?" 

Jean waved, "Yeah, that was fun though. Bye." He dove into the water. Gone. No more merman sex. I didn't even get to ask him any important questions.

Oh well. I lost my virginity to a merhuman, I'd say it's a pretty successful day. I sat down on the floor of my boat and grabbed my pants, searching for my phone. Some flappy bird is a good way to take out my frustrations.

"Hey!" 

I turned around, and Jean was draped over the side of my boat, with a smirk on his face. 

"Yes?" More sex?! 

"You know, I was thinking about how disappointed you were that I don't have a,  _retractable tentacle thing_ , so I brought a friend of mine that I think can uh,  _satisfy_  you better?" Jean nodded his head to his left, and another head popped up. They had  _really_  pretty blue eyes. "Of course, you've gotta let me join in again, if you don't mind." Jean wiggled his eyebrows again, and  _my heart **SKIPPED A BEAT!**_ Oh wait, no, that's... that's a heart attack. I'm having a heart attack.

Damn. 

Well, I lost virginity to a merman and  _almost_  had a threesome with another mer _thing_ , I'm dying happy. I'll have a threesome while I'm having a heart attack, I don't even care. 

**Author's Note:**

> April Fools, gaybies, _**APRIL FOOLS!**_


End file.
